I can feel a hot one

So, this is going to be a rather long post. I could split it up into two, but I don't see the point, since it is all connected.

First off, I want to give some background. Every boy I have ever dated, since sophomore year of high school, has said they will teach me how to ride a bike. Now, this is not a large polling sample of course, but I still think it deserves some merit. I mean, it kind of became my test for a guy in an odd way. If I could say to them "I do not know how to ride a bike," without them responding with "Oh don't worry, I will teach you!" then they must not be liars. Of course, since I have this whole blog going here, I do not know how to ride a bike. So, even though every guy then went farther with that, promised to teach me how to ride a bike, even at some point made some kind of plan for how they would, not a single one did. Even at my young age, this has made me slightly bitter.

That goes along with how every boy, sometime after they had promised to teach me how to ride a bike, also said that they loved me. It is a little messed up, but now I feel like those two in my head are now combined. You lied about whether or not you would teach me to ride a bike, most likely to get me to open up to you and think you were warm, cuddly, and a protector of sorts, so why wouldn't you lie about the whole "I love you" deal to do the same thing? There are other things that go along with this as well, but it is one of the major ones.

So, last night, I kinda confronted the most recent SO (of sorts) about how he recently said "I love you," and if it bothered him that I did not return those words. Apparently, I had our whole relationship wrong, he loved me as a friend, and was uncomfortable with the idea that I did not want him seeing other girls. So, once again, I feel jaded. Even more so, since that boy never told me he would teach me how to ride a bike, so my system is flawed.

After crying my eyes out last night, I got on the bike this morning. By myself. No one was home. That was an epic failure. Falling is scary.

Thankfully, that was not the end for today's attempts with riding a bicycle.



(Please excuse the absurd outfit, it was 106 degrees outside today when I chose to learn how to ride a bike. The voice is my step mother's who was filming.)
EDIT: It seems like the video is not working, but I will still leave the link up in case it changes its mind at some point.

My father took me out tonight after my Grandmother's birthday dinner, and I was definitely determined. For awhile I was definitely just too afraid of falling (hmmm, sounds a lot like my relationships now) but after a fall when my dad let go of the bike without telling me (YES I told him that was a bad idea!) I guess it clicked! Starting is still very hard for me, I only seem to be able to do it well if I am going downhill. My balance is also an issue. I feel like my butt is just huge (which I love most of the time, but it is not proper for a tiny bicycle seat) and it is like balancing a set of scales when riding.

I am getting it though. No boyfriend taught me, just my father, like it is supposed to be. It feels so symbolic. I finally feel a kind of independence that driving a car could not have given me. It is silly but I am almost in tears as I type this. I had completely believed I would never learn how to ride a bike. Now though, I am on my way to becoming obsessed. It is definitely the start of a new chapter, in more ways than one.